


The Beginning and the End

by Captain_Dogfish



Category: Zombies Run!
Genre: A fair bit of cuddling though, Ace!Five, Ace!Simon, F/M, It's all asexual folks, No sex or smut to see here, Spoilers up through early Season 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-12
Updated: 2016-10-12
Packaged: 2018-08-22 03:29:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8270905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Captain_Dogfish/pseuds/Captain_Dogfish
Summary: Five and Simon-- growing together, blasted apart. A rambly thing with little plot exploring the relationship these characters might have had.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Both Simon and Five are asexual in this little angst-fest, so keep that in mind. That's all, folks. :-) Also, no idea what is up with the title. It was a required field so I made something up. Better suggestions are appreciated in this scenario.

It wasn’t often Five ran with Simon. Not at first. The first time she can remember running with him, really running, was when they ran distraction duty and he had to scale a building and spend the night on the roof, surrounded by hungry zoms.

She didn’t realize how much she missed his jokes, bad as they were, until he wasn’t there to say them.

After the rocket launcher attack on Abel, after she learned Sam and Janine and all the others were alive, it was him she’d searched for, him she’d found. Briefly. Before they joined the efforts to relocate what remained of Abel Township to New Canton. They ran decoy for a long time, till dark, and it was only after they had both sank to the ground outside their new barracks, the last two runners still awake, that Five dared to think over the day.

Sara.

The tears come unbidden, and Five chokes back the sobs. That’s not how she’d want to be remembered. That’s not what she would want.

Simon notices the turmoil, even if Five doesn’t want him too. As casually as he can he puts an arm around Five’s shoulders. Without a word she slumps against his torso, pressing her face into his chest while her own body heaves with suppressed sobs.

He squeezes her shoulders, tries to comfort her without drawing attention to themselves. The storm is over nearly as quickly as it started, and Five’s sitting upright, swiping away the renegade tears that insist on spilling out of her eyes. She mutters something that sounds suspiciously like an apology and goes into the barracks.

He follows, in a bit. Tries to find a patch of ground that isn’t taken, but unless he wants to spoon somebody there’s no open spaces. Not too many people are still awake, but the ones who are growl at him and tell him to bugger off.

Her voice hisses in the darkness. “Over here.”

He locates her quickly, tucked away in the front right corner near the door. Five had staked out two spots, one for her and one for him. He doesn’t know the Abel citizens nearest them, but he doesn’t care. Five still looks as upset as she did earlier, so he does the only thing he can think of.

“Want a hug?” he asks, wiggling his eyebrows as though he’s suggesting more. He’s not. He never is. It’s always for show.

She grunts negatively, but presses up against him. Without blankets, the night is cold. She stretches along the length of his body, wraps an arm around his waist and throws one of her legs over his. He’s almost tense beneath her. He’s not used to having somebody sleeping on him.

She dozes off almost immediately, her head pillowed on his body. He’s not certain what to do now that Runner 5 is sleeping on him. She’s always appeared distant, detached. Never paired off with any of the other runners although God knows there had been offers. Even Sam, who loved her in a blind, puppy-dog rebound-ish kind of way, had never managed to hug her for more than a few seconds at a time. Yet here she was, sleeping with him.

He’s not aware he’s fallen asleep. He’s aware when somebody slaps his face, hard. He jerks upright with a cry, and there’s Five’s concerned face in front of his. She touches the slapped cheek, says his name repeatedly. “Simon. Simon!”

His heart is beating out of his chest. His thoughts are wild, his skin damp with sweat. He was under attack, he was cornered, he was _dead_ but—no—Five’s still with him.

“A nightmare,” she says soothingly. “Just a nightmare.” Her voice is calm. “You’re alright.”

Somebody lights a candle. Other people are awake, witnessing the spectacle. A few look similarly terrified. He’s not the only one dreaming dark dreams, but he’s the only one screaming himself awake in the night.

He shudders and pulls his knees up against his chest. For the first time in a long time, he’s afraid of the dark. Five turns to glare at the rest of their bunkmates and somebody hastily blows out the candle. A muttered string of goodnights echoes for a few seconds.

He’s not sleeping again, not for a while. He fumbles for Five’s hand in the darkness, irrationally afraid.

“Outside. Fresh air.” She whispers, pulling him upright. “The moon’s full.”

It’s bright outside, if a little cold. Without the electric lights they’ve known their entire lives, it is possible to see the Milky Way. They settle on the ground a few feet away from the door, tucked up against a wall where the wind can’t reach them. They press against each other, comfortable in their silence. With the light and clean air, Simon’s head is clearing and shame is creeping in. He was never the one to scream from fear. Never the one to draw attention to his needs over someone else’s.

She doesn’t ask him about the nightmare. She just sits with him, keeps holding his hand for the following two hours until the sun starts to rise and they can finally do something useful.

Over the coming days, it becomes a habit. They bunk near each other, and she’s always the one to slip from her bed to wake him before he screams in his sleep. He doesn’t know whys she’s always awake when he needs her, but that’s how it goes. Some nights they go for a walk, avoiding the sentries so they don’t get reported or end up as the newest gossip topic. Others they spend together, holding each other tight till the fear seeps away.

Rarely does he go to her. Rarely does she need him too. But far too soon after they’ve settled into New Canton, she nearly loses her life because of their sodding radio operator, Nadia. He knows her name, will never forget it. Sam notices in time, guides her out of danger and certain death. Simon waits, though, paces like a lion trapped in a cage until she’s safely in Abel. He’d been there helping with repairs when Sam sounded the alarm, when Sam brought her home. He’d scared away the sentries by accident, snarling at anybody who came too close and tried to bring him back to repair work. He wouldn’t leave the gates till she was safe.

Once the gates, what’s left of them, are lowered behind her he’s hugging her tight. She clings to him, too. Sam comes running, slides to a stop multiple feet away to stare in wide-eyed surprise. Simon doesn’t care. He just holds his runner tight, rocks her slightly to hide the way her body trembles in his arms. He mutters into her ear the same soothing words she has said to him for days, the ones she uses to calm him down. They work on her, too.

Eventually he has to let go, has to let Maxine lead her away for a post-run exam. He turns to Sam, who still hasn’t moved.

“I’m getting her things. She’s not staying in New Canton another night.”

Sam doesn’t fight him, but he doesn’t speak to him either. In fact, he’s abnormally stiff for the entire run. Simon collects Five’s meager possessions without speaking to any of the New Canton residents, ignoring even the higher-ups when they try to offer explanations and apologies.

By the time he’s back in Abel, Five’s already taken his place on the repair team. She accepts her things gratefully, squeezes his hand in lieu of a verbal thank you, and puts them aside to keep working. He joins her, never leaves her side. He sits next to her at dinner, and at night he helps her find a place to sleep. He’s only got a sleeping bag in a corner but he offers it to her with a gallantness that surprises everybody.

They share it. He won’t let her sleep anywhere out of his sight, still afraid she’ll be killed if he doesn’t look after her. She loathes the thought of driving him out of his “bed”, loathes the idea of being out of his sight too. She’s nearly on top of him in order to keep off of the cold ground (he never was the best about sharing a sleeping space), but he doesn’t care. Their relationship doesn’t include sex and he’s happy for it. They can cling close to one another without fear of being pressured into something more.

That’s the way it goes for the weeks afterwards. No longer does she need to slip from her bunk to his in the night, she’s always with him. They separate for runs only, and even that’s not as common as it used to be. He teaches her yoga. She tutors him in accuracy on a gun. Sara watches, amused with it all, but Sam distances himself.

“I think Sam’s jealous,” she tells him one night. “I think he wanted….”

Simon knows. Has known. Since the moment Sam saw them hugging each other after bloody Nadia’s failed assassination attempt. He doesn’t know what to tell her, though, that’ll help her through this. She cares about the crazy little geek, doesn’t want to hurt his feelings. 

They sort it out eventually, without Simon’s help. Sam teams up with Maxine a little more often, learns to see Five for who she really is instead of Alice’s replacement. It’s better all around.

Janine cares for him, too. In a different way. In a way he can’t give her or ever reciprocate. He doesn’t totally shut her down and Five never asks him to, either, but it strains their budding relationship at times. He notices how she tenses when Janine gets a little too close, uses a familiar nickname once too often for Five’s liking. She’s never one to be jealous, but she is one to be defensive.

Five’s always been defensive, borderline territorial about her closest friends. Always feared losing the few people she lets get this close to her soul.

He’s the one she runs too when they lose Archie. She clings to him with a neediness he’s certain no other person has seen. Her eyes are wide and staring at nothing, seeing her dead. For the first time Simon thinks about how young she is. Too young to experience this much pain.

He tries to draw her out more. Cracks more jokes, teases and flirts relentlessly. She responds well to it, starts to smile again.

He tries not to think about those dark suggestions from their enemy. They are starting to get to him, starting to turn his mind.

Simon is the one who sees red when Van Ark kidnaps Five for the first time. He’s the one to run out to meet her, the one to sweep her off her exhausted feet and carry her home to Abel. He’s the one to bring her to Maxine, the one to ease her sneakers off her battered feet. The one to hold her hand while her wounded legs are cleaned and stitched. The one to pull up a chair and sit through the night while she fitfully sleeps under the influence of drugs she didn’t want, trapped in a nightmare she can’t wake up from.

He’s the one whose body fills with terror when Sara brings Five back to Van Ark. He’s the one who’d blow every damn operation he’s worked so hard on, the one who’d turn himself in to those back at Abel—the ones who now hate him with the fiery passion of betrayed family, the ones who will never forgive him for this treachery—in a heartbeat if that was what it would take to rescue Five. She’s always been the one he’d sacrifice his selfish, selfish plans for. And Van Ark knows it.

He’s the one she chases down, the one she hesitates to leave when Jamie approaches him with that baseball bat. She’s the one with tears in her eyes as she clutches that brat of Jamie’s close to her body. His mind swings into overdrive for a fraction of a second when he sees the natural ease with which she protects the child— he dreams of seeing Five with him sometime in the future, safe at last, holding a child they both love and cherish—before that dream shatters with the first tear rolling down his beloved’s face. The one who can’t believe this betrayal, the one who mirrors the pain he feels, has been cut to the core and she cannot withstand the blow.

She’s the one to turn away. The one who’ll never hear his apology.

He keeps on eye on her, from a distance. He’s disfigured now, and although he knows Five cared for him as a person more than she cared about his looks, his guilt tells him otherwise. His guilt drives him to hide, to self-destruct from shame and fear and anger. He hates himself, he tries to hate her. It doesn’t work.

Rarely he sneaks into Abel to steal supplies. To try and meet her. His body is wracked with pain, both physical and emotional, and he is desperate to know if the girl who could soothe his nightmares can soothe his troubled existence.

It’s too heavy a burden to give to her, though. He won’t ever ask, won’t ever find out, he swears it to himself.

He knows how to single her out from the other runners, that day he finally gets her alone. When she meets him as she flees Deadlock territory. When she shoots at him in a panic, fear coloring her every action.

She’s the one whose body involuntarily relaxes when he speaks to her.

She’s the one holding back from hugging him, desperately wishing he was still hers. They have missed the familiar closeness they once had. She wants to hold him close. Wants to forgive him, despite everything. Doesn’t know how, though.

He doesn’t help. He pushes her away, to frightened and gun shy to ever want to risk taking her back. Besides, he tells himself, she can’t possibly care about him. Not still. Not after what’s he done to her, to Abel. That’s what he repeats in his mind, over and over, until he starts to believe it.  

They stay apart. Pain forces it, at times. Being near her is like breathing in fire and shards of glass. Being near him is like being crushed and drowned at the same time. His existence is heavy on her soul. Her life is a light to pure for his soiled hands to hold.

He screams awake from his nightmares, alone. She turns to his phantom presence whenever she’s in pain.

He prays to a God he never believed in for forgiveness, for the chance to have her back, for the redemption of what little is left of his soul.

She prays to a God she was raised to believe in for answers to her curse, for the chance to have him back, for the salvation of the man she loves.


End file.
